Audiostation - Letter from Ida Dehmel to her friend Marie Stern in Bad Schwalbach Landmarks of Jewish History

Dearest Sternmarie!

You wrote me a lovely letter, unaware that I was not only close to death,

but also close to hell. Since Wednesday, not only my life, but the

lives of thousands of others have been an endless torment. Only for

the past hour do I seem to be saved. As an individual person.

On Wednesday morning, 2,000 H[amburg] J[ews] (it may have been

only 1500) received the evacuation order. This is for the time being.

We know that everyone will be affected. The conditions are cruel.

The following must be taken along: lice ointment, insect powder, dust

comb. To Litzmannstadt. Here and there a whole family, but also fathers

or mothers or daughters or sons singled out. The domestic help of my

J[ewish] tenants is also among them, so I witnessed everything at close

quarters. An Ary[an] acquaintance of m[y] tenant came to visit. I opened

the front door for her. A young woman. She said to me: ‘How good that

it‘s not your turn yet, so you can make better travel arrangements.’

And no lightning strikes a. paralyses her tongue.

An hour ago, as I said, a letter arrived from Berlin saying that I had been

exempted. It was a private letter, but I have reason to believe that it is

legitimate.

Believe me, Sternmarie, the traces of these days will never be

erased from my soul. I have been pacing up and down the Dehmel room

all night. You can imagine that I would not have left the Dehmel house

alive. Yesterday evening, Pastor Heydorn, who gave Dehmel‘s eulogy,

visited me. He said, ‘You have Dehmel‘s approval if you do not participate

in this disgrace. I would do the same in your place.’

During all those hellish hours, I had 1/100 hope alongside 99 probabilities

of doom. Dozens of suicides have been successful and unsuccessful in

recent days. A dear friend, who was still cheerful with me on Tuesday

and with whom I was supposed to be today, succeeded. Earlier, I received

a farewell message from her. The ambulances are said to have been

constantly rattling through the city. Can you comprehend God‘s longsuffering?

I struggle not to let my faith in Him be shaken. It is clear that

Dehmel remains my advocate in heaven as on earth. For I have also been

freed from wearing the yellow Jewish star.

But I aged drastically in these days. Deeply, deeply I mourn the poorest

of the poor who were dragged away. Humbly I ask myself what makes

me better than them. ‘We all live by borrowed light.’

Isi

25 October 1941